Frieda Ferrick’s Blog

     Are you  a woman going through change and wondering, what is going on with me?   Are you feeling overwhelmed and thinking, why am I feeling so emotional.  I am here to tell you  that you are not alone.  There are many women out there worrying and feeling apprehensive about making changes in their lives.

     Whether you  are going through a divorce, children leaving home, aging parents there are changes coming your way.  Being prepared can help you weather what is coming your way in a healthier way.

     Women many times get so busy with life and chores that it is easy not to take the time necessary to take care of oneself, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  Time passes and many times these questions can arise such as, where did I go,  who am I and what do I  really  want to do with the rest of my life?

     So the first step you can take is to start paying attention to your thoughts and feelings.  Try to pay attention as you prepare for your day.  I would recommend that you  give yourself time either in the morning or at night where you can write, meditate or pray and have some time for your inner expressions.

     If you are more of an active person, taking a walk in the morning can clear your head and sometimes some inner wisdom then has time to float to the surface.  This is similar to meditating or writing, you still can connect with your inner self.

     Through out time women have connected with other women and shared their lives and thoughts with each other in  informal settings. In the past women would help each other out and get social time by sewing, canning and or quilting.  These days women connect with each other through coffee dates, lunches and sometimes by having regular times to meet and talk.  

     Take the time you deserve and need to figure out how to make the rest of your life work for you.  Also remember that you can talk to a licensed counselor if you feel overwhelmed and need a calm, quiet place to work out whatever issues may be coming up for you at this crucial time of your life.

Sometimes when you are feeling down, lonely and/or depressed, you might get the urge to shop. What are some of your thoughts as you drive over to the mall and start looking at clothes, shoes, furnishings, jewelry or whatever. You will write checks or use your credit card. It will feel exciting in the moment. It can feel as though all is well in your world. Then you take all your great stuff home. Perhaps you show someone what you got, or you  might hide it out of shame. But whatever you do, after time passes you are still left with yourself. You are still left with your feelings and then you are left with having to pay for these items andthe possibility that  you  went over  your budget.

Spending money can feel exciting, it can take the edge out of feeling lonely and depressed.  But when the night comes whatever issues you have will still be there.  Plus you will have to pay for what you bought.
So now the question is, can you bear to look at what really is going on with you? Can you have the courage to look beyond the obvious,  look deep inside your being and deal with your real issues?

There can be possible unhappiness in your relationship(s), work, or unresolved deep painful feelings about yourself.  So what are some ways that you can start to work on your issues?  Well the first step is admitting you have a problem.  Then there is a variety of ways to deal with your spending money.  If you live with someone the second step is admitting to him or her that you are needing help with your spending.  Another step is to make a spending plan but really you might need to do more than that if this has been going on for awhile.  You might need to talk to a professional counselor to start the steps you need  to  move forward in your life.

 Are you dissatisfied with some  or all of your relationships? Is it hard for you to move on?  Does it seem that you are angry for a long time at someone?  Is it starting to affect your life?  I wonder if you realize that  these feelings are holding you back in your life.  Here are some ideas to help you change something that you have lived with for a long time.

Sometimes it may seem as though other people are letting you down so you hold on to your feelings even though it is not helping you really understand what is going on with you.  Perhaps it is easier to just be angry than to look more deeply at what really is going on. 

Here are some questions to help you sort out if you are holding on to something that is not healthy for you or if you are.

1.  Is it hard for you to let go of your angry feelings?

2.  Do you seem to not be able to celelebrate other people’s happy occasions?

3.  Do you feel unhappy most of the time?

4.  Are you ready to make some changes?

5.  How do you let go and move on?

The first most important realization is to understand that you are unhappy and ready to make some type of change.  The second thing is what are you going to do now?  Making changes can seem overwhelming if you do too many changes at the same time.  It helps to make a plan and work on small effective changes.

That saying baby steps, may have seemed silly but taking small steps can help you make changes and not feel so overwhelmed.

Today is the day you can start making those changes.  You can try it on your own or you can receive professional help to help you move out of the rut you are in and move forward in your life.

I believe strongly in the resiliency of the human spirit.  People can heal, they can learn how to make better choices in their lives.

Therapy is a journey of the heart, mind and spirit working towards health.  It is two people in a room who have connected during their time working together.

What does it mean to grow older?  Either we will die young or we will grow old.  Yet we rarely talk about what this meant to us individually or collectively.

Most of us face fear on different levels.  It can be something small or something huge.  Research write about your fears, talk to trusted people.

If you live long enough, grief and loss will be part of your life.  It’s knowing when a “door closes somewhere a window will open.”

My work with clients deals with feelings of suffering because of grief and loss.  My hope is that people can heal, change and grow and make good choices.

Healing can happen when there is non-judgement, love, concern and knowledge between two people.

One thing we know to be true is that change will happen whether we are ready or not.

A sense of humor, kindness and a sense of fairness will take you far.

Connect with your joy, get silent, cultivate compassion, maintain your body, give with true feelings, read powerful books and surround yourself with real friends. 

A sense of humor will serve you well through good time and through tough times.  It will open up your mind and heart

Every day is a chance to live life to its fullest potential.  Every day can you have time for family, friends, work and joy?  We don’t know what day will be our last.

     When you experience a loss and you have emotions welling up, what you are experiencing is grief.  Grief  can feel like a huge wave threatening to knock you down. It feels difficult and every day may feel challenging.  You start to wonder when will this be over and will I ever survive.

     Grieving has no magical middle and ending.  What does happen is that it begins over time to be less intense. We are all different in the way we handle our emotional life.  Some people shut down, some people ride the rollar coaster of grief with an outpouring of feelings. 

     Time is an important factor in helping us deal with grief.  Over and over I have heard clients say that even though they still feel their losses, it is not as intense.  They can start to come back to their lives again.

     What helps individuals with these intense feelings?  Again it depends on what kind of person you are.  Are you intensely private?  Do you do well sharing with people?  If you are a very private person, but need to talk to someone, talking to a grief counselor can be helpful.  If you learn by interacting with others, a grief group can be very useful.  You get to share your story, your pain, and you get to hear how others have dealt with their losses which may help you feel less alone.

     If you feel stuck, just know that you don’t have to walk this path alone, you are entitled to have professional help. Being supported can help the healing process in unexpected ways.

     Is it important to know if there is a difference between depression and grief?  How can it really matter?  Grief can be profound sadness over a loss.  It can feel huge and it can feel as though it will never get any better.  The reality about grief is that it takes time to become adjusted to  your loss and time will start to shift your prospective of how you are feeling.

     Appropriate grief takes it time before it allows you to start taking back your life.  It can feel like getting over a flu that has taken a hold of you.  What starts to happen for many people is that at some time, you start to be interested in your life again.

     Depression can be anywhere from a mild form to clinical depression which takes over a person so that it is very hard to participate in life.  It can be very difficult to work, sleep, eat, relate to other people.  Depression can cause people over time to shut down. 

     Grief is a natural reaction to loss.  Loss of a loved person, loss of a marriage, a relationship, a job, a pet and so it takes time to adjust to being without the person or situation.

     Depression can be precipated by an event or it can be a chemical imbalance in your brain or it can be something that has been stirring for a very long time inside of you.

     It is important to be able to sift through what is going on with you and get appropriate help.  The longer the depression or grief goes on the longer it will take to get back to your life.  Please talk to a professional and work out what is going on with you.  Get the support you deserve in order to  live  your life in the healthiest way possible..

It is hard to watch people you love suffer, whether it be from an illness, a bad relationship, financial woes, or addiction issues.  It is difficult to see someone struggling in their life and it is difficult to stay clear of our need to help that person.  There is also the issue of guilt.  If the  person we love fails to resolve their issues and they continue to do poorly, we struggle with the sense that perhaps we should do more for them.

It is important to figure out what you can do for your family member or friend, and what he or she needs to do on their own.

It is crucial to distinguish helping from being co-dependent.  Co-dependency means you help someone to the point of harming yourself and/or you help someone and enable them to continue their unhealthy behavior.

What is Codependency?

Ask yourself these questions to find out if you’re really being helpful.

1.  When asked to help, can you do it without resentment?

2.  Are you jumping in to help before you are ever asked?

3.  Are you being asked to do something he or she can really do themselves?

4.  Are you taking care of your health during this time of your family members’s problem?

5.  Are you able to delegate or simplify tasks so you have time for important relationships?

You might have to work harder than you normally do when a family member or friend needs extra help or support.  It helps if you can keep things in perspective and in balance.

Take Care of Yourself to Help Prevent Co-dependency

Periodically evaluate what is important to you in your life.  What is important to you to incorporate in your life to keep yourself healthy?

Some Ways To Take Care of Yourself Are Personal

What works for one person might work or not work for another.  Some people find journal writing helpful to connect to themselves and their thoughts.  Others might want to work on arts and/or crafts  projects.  While others find meditation to be helpful in keeping them grounded and feeling more positive.  Some people do well having a therapist to talk to about whatever issues arise or past issues that are keeping the person from moving forward in their lives.

Some Ways To Take Care of Yourself are Universal

*Exercise

*Proper diet

*Enough sleep

*Friends or some type of community to connect with

Whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, please find a way to implement some small changes and keep moving forward.

  What does it mean to grow older?  How will we all handle the challenges that will face us?   All of us human beings will either grow old or we will die  at a younger age.  Yet we rarely talk about what this means to us individually and collectively.  The body starts to slow down and refuses to move in the way it used to move.  We no longer have the energy, and the ability to keep going as we once did.

Benefits of age and aging, problems of aging and age

     We know there are benefits to this process, but because the body no longer looks or acts as it once did,  we have a difficult time acknowledging this slow down.

     In other societies seniors are given a status that our society does not give them.  Our worth is tied up with our producitivity.  So when we retire, our value goes down.  Males seem to suffer more from this change than females.  Males, traditionally have been the bread winners.  They have been valued as the ones who earn more money.  This has been changing as families are changing and there are more women at the head of their families.  But women have also traditionally been more available for friendships and creating communities that are satisfying to the heart.

So what do we need to do in order to not only survive but also how do we threive?  I feel it is important to start facing the challenges of aging way before our 80’s.  We need to make decisions to be more connected with family, friends, community, a religious or spiritual practice and we need to keep moving our bodies and our brains.  If we are open and honest and make plans when we are healthy, then even though we might have some difficulties awaiting us, we will be more prepared.

As we age we are more able to be ourselves, accept our strengths and weaknesses.  Accept what we have accomplished and understand we might never do all that we were hoping to do and that is okay!

It’s a new year, the hoopla, the holidays after over.  Now the long silent winter is here. Winter is a wonderful time to be warm and cozy, it is time to be home more and it is a time for self reflection.  Winter   is also a wonderful metaphor for our inner journey.  In winter it doesn’t look like much is happening to the naked eye.  The trees have shed their leaves, the annimals are surviving in the cold.  We humans, are still bustling around keeping busy and hopefully not ignoring this change to look inward.   For in order for spring to happen there is alot of work being done unnoticed.

     This is the time in nature when all the work is being done underground.  We humans, have periods of time when we are working internally doing alot of thinking and planning,  making changes silently, as we go about  our business of transformation.

     Some people use meditation as the method of transforming their selves, others use therapy as a method of coming to terms with who they are and where they want to go in their lives.

    This is the time to ask questions of oneself, 1.  Who am I?  2.  What do I want to accomplish in my lifetime?  3.  Am I being the best that I can be?  4.  Am I connected to the important people in my life?  5.  If I had a short time left on the earth could I leave feeling peaceful?

     So winter is a perfect time to reflect, to plan and to get ready for the spring.

Most people at some time in their lives, will have some episode of the blues.  Some event can leave you reeling with sadness, the loss of a relationship, marriage, the death of a loved one, a job, your health or a pet.  It takes time to process and to grief.

Sometimes it feels like you are struggling with depression that doesn’t seem to have rhyme or reason.  Everything looks good, yet you might be feeling like you can’t get up, dress, leave the house or go to work.   Life seems flat and you can’t figure out what to do  next.  This might be the time to get professional help.  A medical evaluation to rule out any physical health issues is the first step.   This is an important step because there are certain physical conditions that can be linked with depression.  Also, for some people being evaluated then using an anti-depressant can help alievate some of the symptoms that you may have been dealing with.   Working with a mental health professional is the second step. Using medication by itself is not the total answer.  Together medication and therapy can work for long term relief.

Perhaps being depressed can lead to working on issues that have been below the surface and now refuses to go away.  That’s why the question, depression, friend or foe, can be an important consideration for you to think about.  Depression is no picnic, no joke, yet, taking time to heal can ultimately lead you to reaching out and receiving the help you deserve.