Frieda Ferrick’s Blog

 Do you feel butterflies in your stomach?  Are you feeling stressed?  Do you struggle with fear that  seems to taking over your life?  You might be experiencing what it feels like to be anxious.

     Anxiety is a symptom that lets you know that all is not well with your body, mind and spirit.  Its symptoms can be physical and also create emotional turmoil.

Physical symptoms can be shallow breathing, racing pulse, trouble catching your breath.  Emotionally when anxious it is difficult to calm down, be present  and to concentrate on any given task.

     Taking time to pay attention to what is going on in your life is crucial to help allievate some of these symptoms.  Breathing helps to feel more grounded, connected and calm, listening to peaceful music,  meditation tapes and participating in regular exercise can also be very helpful.

     Another symptom that is not usually talked about in connection with anxiety is boredom.  Boredom can disguise what is truly going on and take your mind off  of being anxious.  It really can be anxiety that is making you feel antsy, roaming around looking for something to do.

     When people struggle with the big questions of life, such as what is the meaning of life? Is there a higher power, and  does God exist?  Not knowing the answers can create feelings of anxiety.  People who are sure of the answers might not have as many symptoms of anxiety as those who question and don’t feel clear within themselves about the answers.

     It can be helpful to slow down in your life, pay attention, to what is going on in your life and what is going on inside of you.   If it feels as though you need more than self introspection,  it may be time to get professional help.  Talking to a trained professional can be very useful in figuring out why you are being plagued with these symptoms.    It  can be a therapist, a teacher, a religious leader who can help you figure out what makes sense to you and what direction you might want to go.  All of this can lead to more feelings of peace and less feelings of anxiety.

  If you have recently suffered a loss, the holidays may seem to be lurking ready to crush you or, you just feel so stressful that you want to be able to enjoy this time of year, instead of dreading it.

Here are some tips that can help you feel more in charge.

1) Simplify-Some examples are are:  if you are having folks over to your house, make simpler dishes, and less variety.  Remember the importance of the holidays are to be with people you love.  If you come from a family that doesn’t get along, you can either make an agreement to get along, skip it all together and go to friends or stay home and be peaceful.

2) Delegate-That means ask other people to help bring food, beverages, centerpieces, tableclothes, whatever.  One person or family should not be responsible for the entire meal or holiday.  If you are going over to someone’s house, you can ask what can you do to be helpful.  Of better yet, offer something that you enjoy making or buying.

3) Prioritize- Decide what customs, traditions, food, are important and get rid of time consuming activities that you are tired of doing.  An example if you make holiday candy for everyone and you don’t want to, maybe its too time consuming, expensive, or you are trying to eat healthier.  You can say I am not going to make chocolate bars  this year, but I am willing to bring a fruit sampler plate.   Get togethers should be valued time together and not about having your house be perfect.

4) Incorporate new traditions- If you have a large extended family and Christmas shopping is getting out of hand, you can ask to draw one name per family for gift giving.  You might even be able then to give to a good cause  with some of the money you save.  If you have to shop for one person what a wonderful time you can have trying to get that one gift with love and thought!

     So take care of yourself in these times and change it from being a stressful time to a thoughtful, loving time.

     We all have experienced sadness and grief at one time or another in our lifetime.  Working with people who have had a difficult loss, whether they have been in grief groups I facilitated or seen privately, the questions asked are:

1.  Will I ever feel better?

2.  Will I ever get over the sadness?

3.  How could this have happened?  It seems so unfair.

4.  Will I ever get back to my life and is it okay to get back to my life?  There can be a feeling of disloyalty if a person starts to do activities where she or he are having a good time.

     Grieving over the death of a family member or a dear friend, a loss of a relationship or health, loss takes time and lots of it.  You can feel as though you are on a out of control rollar coaster.  As you dip and twirl the grief can creep up on you unexpectedly and take you for its demanted ride and then drop you like a bag of cement.  You can get some relief of your intense feelings for awhile and without any warning waves of sadness can re-occur.

     It is important that you understand that:

1.  You are not crazy

2. Your memory will come back; many people complain they are forgetting keys, appointments, or other personal items.

3.  Life might feel different for quite awhile.

  Well meaning family and friends might try to minimize your feelings or want you to quickly get back to the person you used to be.  You are not a bad or a good person for grieving in your own particular way.  Grief takes it own time.  People are all different, there is no time line that is correct for each person.

     If you feel  depressed, for a long period of time, let’s say over six months to a year, you  might want to get some support and/ or professional help.

     A groups works for some people and lets you know you are not  alone with your sorrow.  It could be  helpful to be with other people going through similar circumstances.

    Some people  are more private and might not be ready to be in a group due to the intensity of their feelings, they may need individual counseling.  You have a right to be sad and also a right to heal your heart.  In time and with help you will feel better.