We all have experienced sadness and grief at one time or another in our lifetime. Working with people who have had a difficult loss, whether they have been in grief groups I have facilitated or seen privately, the questions they have asked are:
1. Will I ever feel better?
2. Will I ever get over this sadness?
3. How could this have happened? It feels so unfair.
4. Will I ever get back to my life?
5. Is it ever ok to be happy again?
There can be a feeling of disloyalty if a person starts to do activities where she or he are having a good time and interacting with other people.
Grieving over the death of a family member or a dear friend, a loss of an important relationship or health, loss takes time and lots of it. You can feel as though you are on a out of control roller coaster ride. As you dip and twirl, the grief can creep up on you unexpectedly and take you for its demented ride, and then drop you like a bag of cement. You can get some relief from your intense feelings for awhile and without any warning, waves of sadness can re-occur.
It is important that you understand that:
*You are not crazy.
*Your memory will come back. Many people complain that they forget keys, appointments and are forgetful in general.
*Life might feel different for quite awhile.
Well meaning friends and family members might try to minimize your feelings or want you to quickly get back to the person you used to be. You are not a bad or a good person for grieving in your own particular way. Grief takes it s own time. People are all different, there is no time line that is correct and the same for each person.
If you feel depressed for a long period of time, let’s say over six months to a year, you might want to get some extra support and/or professional help.
A group works for some people and lets you know you are not alone with your sorrow. It could be helpful to be with other people going through similar grieving.
Some people are more private and might not be ready to be in a group due to the intensity of their feelings, they may need individual counseling. You have a right to be sad and also a right to heal your heart.
In time, and with help you will start to feel better. But I know this to be true, you will have changed and love does not die.