You have struggled as an adult with relationships and or keeping a job. You have been told or you have read articles and wonder if you have some type of label. A label that has a possible negative spin. It could feel hurtful, harmful or spiteful for someone to call or brand you as someone with a Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disorder.
Actually, I think someone who is on the Personality Disorder spectrum, and has survived a childhood of neglect and or abuse, should understand a few things about this label. I hope when you are done reading the little that I will be writing about this, that you will get that if you grew up in a dysfunctional household, if you were not taken care of, neglected and abused in any way that you should be proud that you survived and that you are trying to grow and heal as an adult.
Someone who is on the personality spectrum did not get there out of the blue, they got there because the only way to survive a tough childhood was to grow a defensive shield of some sort and make it out of childhood to adulthood where you could create some type of life of your own. A baby who has caring parents will be cuddled, nurtured, fed and loved in a fairly consistent way. When that baby cried, after a while, he or she would be picked up, talked to and hugged. The babies basic needs would be attended to and as a parent or guardian lovingly cooed or talked to the baby, the baby could grow emotionally intact. If the baby and or child was left alone, untended to and even harmed, they would learn to either be very quiet and disappear as much as possible to avoid negative attention; or use negative behaviors and act out because there is no safety so who cares what they do.
When you grow up in a uncertain environment, your body is constantly on alert, which plays havoc on your sensitive system, you never knew if it would be safe for you to show up or not. So you have had to learn as an adult who is safe for you to be in relationships with and who you need stay away from.
There is a lot to learn and it is important to find safe people to learn from. If you grew up in one of these types of families, I hope you will honor your need for safety, trust, warmth and kindness from others and also from you for you! You might need help in learning about who you truly are. I wish you well on your journey.