Frieda L. Ferrick, Santa Rosa Counseling, Grief, Sadness and Being Stuck

When someone you love dies, in this life as we know it, that is the last time we see that person.  These huge losses change us forever.  We will never hear that loved one’s voice, hear them cry, sing, yell or laugh.  So where does that love go?  I believe that love is still in you, but over time transforms to something less visible.

When someone dies and you are sad, it seems unfair that life keeps going on and there you are in your deep grief.  Over time you may feel a little less consumed by the grief and start to pick up some of your routines of your life — and here is the hard part.

At times, you may not want to get better or move forward because it feels like you are leaving your loved one behind — that you are betraying the memory of the relationship.  How can you laugh with someone else, eat good food, go dancing, make love, or anything else, when that person is not here?

Some people let the rhythm of life move them forward, and even though they are sad at times and miss the person not being here somehow, they seem to accept the death and continue on with their life.

Are you someone who feels stuck?  Are you living a life without color, meaning, feelings?  If you are, what can you do about it?  Do you truly want to change but don’t know what to do next?

Here are some suggestions:

  • Talk to a counselor
  • Join a group
  • Talk to your organized religion leader
  • Exercise
  • Talk to a trusted friend or relative
  • Keep a journal  and write how you are feeling, some of your confusion, and what you might want to do next.

Grieving is a process;  it is not done in a straight line.  You will have better days and worse days, productive times and non-productive times.  You might always miss that special person, but over time you can learn how to let others into your heart.

Life does not stand still for anyone. It keeps moving, and it is okay for a period of time to step aside.  When you are ready, you can jump back in.  You are not alone.