Grief and Loss Counseling by Frieda L. Ferrick, MFT: 9 Things I Know To Be True About Having a Parent Die

When you are an adult having your mom and or dad die can feel like a wake up call.    Here are some of my thoughts on  losing a parent.

1.  Whether you had a good relationship or were estranged from your parent, their death will impact you.

2.  If you had a good relationship then you will miss them, their presence their support, their essence.  If you had a difficult relationship, you may grieve the fact that you will never be able to improve this important relationship and it can hit you and create unexpected grief.

3.  The loss of a parent when you are an adult is the least recognized of all the losses.  Losing your parent means alot to you but other people may not recognize how hard it is on you.

4.  You are now the adult in the family system and you may become more aware of your motality.

5.   The person who knew you the longest is now gone and that can feel strange.

6.  You might be having some regrets.  Maybe you wish you had spent more time together, had phoned more, told them that you loved them and now it is too late.  Having regrets is part of the grieving process.

7.  Be extra careful, grief can make you goofy and forgetful and your heart may feel achy.

8.  Love does not go away when the loved one dies, the love stays within you and it takes time to adjust to that person no longer being there.

9.  Be kind to yourself, grieving is hard on the body, heart and mind.

You may need alone time or sometimes you may need to talk to someone.  A good friend, family member, a grief counselor or someone from your religious community who will listen is a good choice.

Grief can hit you like a wave in the ocean and over time you will learn how to ride that wave.  Take care.